can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
