How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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