last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
