I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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