He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
