im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
