I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will be naked everywhere
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
