I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
