Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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