if you like me you must not know who I am
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
