I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
