this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
