You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
