Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
