see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
