it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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