Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
