The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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