why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
