I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize