your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
