mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
