I must be too annoying 4 u.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
