Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
