Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
