He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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