guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
