i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize