ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
