Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
