Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
