If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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