wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
