trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
