I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
