Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
