Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize