Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
