Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
