Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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