Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
