Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
