So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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