i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
