just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
