so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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