I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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