Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
