don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize