This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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