stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
