I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
