It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
send nudes
from the living room?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
