Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
