this beer tastes like vomit already
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
