Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
