NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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