Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
