you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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