But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
