Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
