Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
