How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
