I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
