My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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