There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
