NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
