You're so nebulous sometimes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
