You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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