I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
