she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just pee around me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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