im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm too high and old for this...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
